Actual Advice Mallard 1 Meme Generator

Live in a flat for a week and you learn that the walls are suggestions. Your neighbour knows your ringtone, your shower times and the song you sing while cooking. Assume he hears everything, because he does.

Before the interview, someone tells you to check your teeth in a mirror. You think it's silly. Then you meet the interviewer, who has spinach in his, and realise it's the advice everyone wishes they'd been given.

On the day you move in, photograph the model number of every appliance. Two years later the oven breaks, the landlord asks for the model number, and you're the only tenant in history who has it.

Keys, phone and wallet go in the same pocket every time. Not most of the time. Every time. The day you don't is the day you stand by a locked car in the rain, patting yourself like a man looking for a rhythm.

Why it caught on: a plain photo of a mallard turned up on Reddit's r/AdviceAnimals in June 2011 as the helpful cousin of Malicious Advice Mallard, whose tips were meant to ruin your day. A duck giving advice that actually works was such a surprise that people kept it going.

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Best Actual Advice Mallard 1 posts

• if you live in an apartment building / assume your neighbors can hear everything you do
• read a book
• SHOW YOUR APPRECIATION TO YOUR FRIEND, LOVER, OR FAMILY NOW / NOT WHEN YOU'RE ABOUT TO LOSE THEM
• This Valentine's Day, go out for breakfast instead of dinner / It's less expensive, less crowded, and it'll be an unexpected surprise first thing in the morning
• don't lie to people who trust you / and don't trust people who lie to you
• you've made mistakes in the pasT? / stop thinking about the past and don't repeat them in the future.
• IF you dont know what to get for you gf birthday, say you got something but it's a surprise / she'll try to guess and give you a full list of what she wants
• If it ain't clean enough to go in your mouth / Than it ain't clean enough to go in your v
• don't visit the Westboro Baptist Church website / it drives ad revenue and funds their protests
• Bring a pocket mirror with you to bars / If you start to think you look good, stop drinking
• If you have to change a person to love them / you don't really love them
• Actual Advice Mallard / is not for duck jokes
• Having trouble remembering cloud names? / Try calling them by their layman name. for example: use "layered clumps" for stratocumulus, or "rain layers" for nimbostratus. It will help you remeber both the cloud and the reason.
• Clean 9gag / by using the dislike button on every meme you didn't laugh
• gore and snuff fetishists / need to be demonized and exterminated
• Walk around like you own the place / people are so dumb they will think you do
• blow your nose before job interviews / seriously do it
• Don't mistreat people with a lot of patience / when it runs out they will never forgive you
• Don't try to make a girl jealous or play it cool with her if she already likes you / she will move on and friend zone you at best
• Teach your Children about stop signs and intersections / Before they Go biking / Skateboarding alone